Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm actually going to write this time because my iphone sucks and I hate it and its lousy picture quality......

I was at work today and became aware of a startling new fact that has been plaguing my mind. Well.... okay I guess I had realized this earlier on my own, but it is so different when it is pointed out to you by someone else! I was talking to someone at work today when the realization of "Oh, you are basically the only single girl I know..... so what's going on in your life?" Now, usually I would not care about this realization because I'm cool with what I'm doing in life. HOWEVER--- I started to think about all of my younger girlfriends that I work with. They are either married/engaged/ dating someone for the past 11 billionzillioninfinity years! I can't even live in the same place for 2 years without getting antsy! Now, I know this is a situation that many females experience at some point in there lives, but for some reason the last two hours of my work day were filled with emo-centric antics that went something like this:

1. I found my secret stash of chocolate cookies, brownies, bars, hard candies, lollipops that I had been saving for when I was wanting to be emo and get fat all at the same time. Of course I can't sit still at my desk, so I was walking around to other people's desks with a huge chocolate bar in my hand talking like this

Me: Whatcha doing? [huge bite out of chocolate bar] I'm walCCCCRRRRUUUNNNCCCHHH yum!!!

Other people: Um...Okay? I'm just doing my work like you should be doing.

Me: [another huge bite] CCCCCRRRRUUUNNNCCCCHHH..... see I'm cool! Who wouldn't want to hang out with the chick that has piles of chocolate hidden in her desk??????

Other people: .....what are you talking about?

Me: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2. Obviously after you eat that much chocolate in a short amount of time you kinda go into a sugar coma. Then I became like this

I need to listen to Death Cab for Cutie nnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww sssssssllllllleeeeeeeeeeepppppppyyyyyyyyyyyy...........

3. Then the dreaded third stage: bitterness. I just started acting all bitter and telling everyone that I hated people.... you know, the usual. Then I stormed out of work like I was on some kind of mission and drove past Best Buy THREE TIMES before I finally figured out where the entrance to that shopping center was.

Moral of the story: Now that I have come back down to my "normal" self I have decided that I am, in fact, completely fine with the fact that I am different from others around me. I mean if I was married I couldn't/wouldn't dance outside in the parking lot when I get my favorite parking spot, or spend a lot of time working on my thesis (aka: coloring on random pieces of paper with Crayons), or having serious conversations in my head about why McDonald's french fries are a thousand times better than all other french fries, or trying to figure out creative ways of how to make people at work smile/laugh when they are feeling down, or get super mad at Best Buy for not having the CD that I want..... I DON'T CARE IF THAT CD CAME OUT IN 2003, YOU SELL MUSIC DON'T YOU????? OBVIOUSLY I DON'T WANT TO BUY IT ON THE INTERNET.... THAT IS WHY I CAME HERE!!!!


Who am I kidding..... I would still do all that stuff.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Why Men are Stupid in Relationships

This is actually an older list that I wrote during one of my MBA classes (yayy for paying attention!). I just added my copyright symbol (IV). But yeah.... I witnessed/heard this happens all the time. Although as cruel as this might sound.... I do think it is kinda funny. If you want him to pick a side (dating you, not dating you) then communicate that to him. You don't want to? That's because you already know the answer....and it is not the answer you want.

The "Why We Can't Be Friends" questionnaire

Therapy session 1.

Why Romantic Movies are Hurting the World!!

Yes, I know this is dramatic. Yes, I know this is depressing.... but still!! The movie industry gets in trouble for inaccurately depicting historical events, so why can't they get in trouble for inaccurately depicting life! Well.... I guess there could be one person out there where there life is like a fairy tale. No.... no there can't!!! GRRRR....

Sorry for the bitterness ( and the pink picture?!)

Why crazy people should not work with sane people

Obviously... I was at work when I wrote this (hence the keyboard and mouse). I still get a pang of anxiety every time someone puts food on my desk..... you can never be too careful people!! I had to throw away my "throwing stars" because I accidentally tore open my thumb with one of them and bled all over some very important paperwork. I still have the red cape.... I mean "blanket" at my desk just in case I need to showcase how business-like I am!!!

Selected quotes from "one night stand"

THIS STILL MAKES ME MAD. K, I feel better. Stupid boy.

So you want to date my friend application (SYWTDMYA)

No joke.... I actually had people want me to e-mail them a copy of this application after I posted it on Facebook. It is totally legit. What better way to find out someones true intentions.

P.S. #8 is a quote from Anchorman. I thought most people would get that, but I guess not.

How to deal with girls... Part I

P.S. To make these pictures bigger.... all you have to do is double click on the picture. I just found that out. If you have never read The Watchmen you should.... like now..... like stop reading this and go to Barnes and Nobel and buy it.... It will probably change your life (no it won't, but you should still read it) K, thanks bye!

The reason you should never have a crush on someone who works at Starbucks

**UPDATE** I am so excited to announce that "anonymous" here is currently actually dating the Starbucks guy! I KNOW!!!!! It's so crazy! He is super sweet and treats her really well. So I guess I'm not THAT bitter about gaining 15 lbs from all those Starbucks drinks :)

How to avoid a creeper at work

Ah, yes..... creepers. Why are they everywhere?! More importantly, why are they at work?! Work is supposed to be a safe environment.... right?

How men and women talk to each other

This was a request from a fellow that I was interning with. It's kinda depressing. Mostly, I would like to think that these types of conversations happen at a bar, not on a first date. That would be horrifying! So if your conversation with someone begins to go down this path.... please run away! Or call me.... I'll save you!

How Females Talk to Each other....

I had to make it fair. I know. How dare I publish what women actually talk to their girlfriends about. Now this is not an all encompassing diagram. Women are very versatile. We can pretty much talk about anything....as long as we get to talk and share our feelings about men at some point.

How men talk to one another....

I was lucky enough to have some input on this one. Since I drew this..... I have found it to be more and more accurate. Sometimes (and this is only on VERY rare occasions) I have actually heard a dude admit to another dude that some chick hurt his feelings (FEELINGS!!!!!!) I know! I was impressed too. I need to mention that I have only really witnessed this once out of my 23 years of being on this earth..... BUT IT HAPPENED! So my assumption is.... that dude is probably married now.

Now let me explain.....

First off..... yes, I am aware these are amateur drawings done on lined notebook paper.... That's what makes them special. But seriously, most of these ideas come to me when I can't write them on a computer (read: work, while in bed and too lazy to go get the computer, while waiting for my friend to get her Starbucks coffee...) thus, they were written in a notebook and then photographed by my iphone.

I used to put these on Facebook, but because of some new issues that arose (read: mother scolding) I have now moved them here!

No, I am not trying to be funny with any of these posts. This is actually how I think about stuff (as crazy as that may be). And yes... the situations presented in these posts actually happened.

If you are nice.... I might even draw you a picture (muahaha).

Much Love,